Screenplay ~~- The Baby-Making War

Rachel Gets Jacob To Screw Her Timid Handmaid

Adultery
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Chapter Synopsis:
Desperate, Rachel Sends Jacob in to screw her handmaid


2356 Characters =~2.4Min. Reading Time
SCORECARD: Leah: 4; Rachel the Drama Queen: 0.


INT. RACHEL'S TENT - NIGHT

Rachel screams at Jacob and Bilhah:

RACHEL
I'm not bearing Jacob any children!

JACOB
(with Bilhah)
Why don't you let your sister be the baby factory?

RACHEL
(PMS-crazed)
Give me children, or I'll die!

Jacob's anger flames up against Rachel:

JACOB
(yells)
Am I on Elohim's throne?

RACHEL
(snaps back)
Give me children!

JACOB
It's not me who withheld the fruit of the womb from you!

RACHEL
Children!

JACOB
I've been plantin' my seed, but your soil's POOR!

RACHEL
Do what Grandma Sarah did.

JACOB
What?!

RACHEL
Run into my slave-maid Bilhah's bedroom. Do her.

JACOB
You're crazy!

RACHEL
Father children with her. I'll pretend they're mine, so I can build a family.

Jacob looks over at the attractive timid Bilhah.

JACOB
Never.


INT. BILHAH'S TENT - NIGHT

Jacob rocks atop Bilhah.


EXT. BILHAH'S TENT - NIGHT (CONTINUOUS)

Golden glow from heaven fills Bilhah's tent, silhouetting Jacob's climactic lunge.


INT. RACHEL'S TENT - DAY (9 MONTHS LATER)

Bilhah births a son into Jacob's waiting arms.

Rachel jumps up and down, shouting:

RACHEL
Elohim heard my voice!

Holds the baby up toward heaven:

RACHEL
YAh judged in my favor!

Rachel dances up to Jacob's face:

RACHEL
Yah's given me a son!

Jacob leans down to tend the fainting Bilhah in the tub.

RACHEL
(adoring the baby)
I name him "Dan," meaning: 'Yah Judged.'

Bilhah lies in blood-tinged delivery tub:

BILHAH
(squeaks)
I did all the work!

SCORECARD: Leah 4, Rachel 1.

LATER:


INT. BILHAH'S TENT - NIGHT

Drunk, Jacob staggers into timid Bilhah's tent.
Timid, she giggles.

Jacob falls on top of her, spills his wine on her, knocks out her candle.

Bilhah's room fills with a heavenly glow.


INT. RACHEL'S TENT - DAY (9 MONTHS LATER)

Bilhah bears another 2nd son into Rachel's waiting arms.

RACHEL
(brags)
My life has been a knock-down-drag-out wrestling match with my easy-breeder sister --

Rachel screams out her tent door:

RACHEL
But now I've won!

Rachel looks down at 'her' 2nd baby:

RACHEL
His name is Naphtali: โ€˜my Wrestler.โ€™

LEAH (O.S.)
(screams, crying)
Don't count your chickens before they hatch, Rachel!

SCORECARD: Leah 4, Rachel 2.