Screenplay The Baby-Making War
Levi & Simeon Con Neck Men Into Getting Cut
Access to current version restricted.
2533 Characters =~2.5Min. Reading Time
EXT. JACOB'S TENT - DAY (CONTINUOUS)
Jacob smashes his spyglass.
EXT. FIELD - DAY
Jacob's sons startle from milking cows, hearing their Dad scream.
They sprint to Jacob.
EXT. JACOB'S TENT - DAY
Jacob and his sons, furious, don their war gear.
They ride out, weapons brandished, shouting a war cry.
Leah and Rachel ride behind them.
Levi! Simeon! Don't do anything stupid!
EXT. PLAIN - DAY
Donkey-Man and his son Prince Shechem, riding donkeys, meet Jacob's war-party in the field.
Your pedophile son raped my virgin daughter!
Name your bride price! Up to half my donkeys!
Jacob's sons boil over in rage, screaming:
Shechem wrought folly in Israel by sleeping with Jacob's daughter!
This crime ought never to be done!
My son Shechem loves your daughter with all his soul.
I beg you, sell me Dinah as my wife!
Intermarry with us.
Give your daughters to us.
Take our beautiful daughters as your wives.
(to Simeon & Levi)
Kill them now!
You'll dwell with us. [We'll open] our land for you [to use for free]! Live and trade here. Get rich on our land!
(begs Jacob and Dinah's brothers)
Let me find grace in your eyes. Whatever you shall ask of me [as a bride-price], I will give.
Your blood on my sword! That's my sister's bride price!
You can't ask too much as a dowry and gift!
We don't need your donkey money!
I'll give whatever you ask of me; just give me the girl [Dinah] as my wife!
The right time to ask the father for her hand is before you bed her!
We can't ever give our sister to an uncircumcised husband - that would be a reproach to our God.
But we'll consent to sell our sister to your prince ...
Judah WINKS at Levi.
If you'll have your penises trimmed like us.
Yes. If every male among you gets circumcised, then we'll give our daughters to you. And we'll take your daughters to [be our wives].
We'll dwell with you.
We'll become one people.
Judah winks at Levi.
But if you won't listen to us, and let us fix your penises, then we'll take our girl—
—and we'll be gone!
Donkey-Man and his son Shechem look puzzled.