Screenplay ~~- The Baby-Making War

Simeon & Levi Trick-Circumcise & Massacre Men

Revenge
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Chapter Synopsis:
Pregnant Rachel and her sons fight Leah's sons, trying to block Leah's son's evil plot to kill their enemies because their prince raped their sister. Rachel is wounded in the struggle.


2725 Characters =~2.7Min. Reading Time
EXT. SHECHEM VILLAGE GATE - DAY

Prince Shechem leads his townsmen to line up at the chopping block where Levi sits wearing a work apron, sharpening his butcher knife.

PRINCE SHECHEM
These Israelite men are peaceful toward us;

Levi winks at Prince Shechem.

PRINCE SHECHEM
- so let them live in our land, and trade here;

Prince Shechem flings his arms wide:

PRINCE SHECHEM
- for look, the land is large enough for us and them.

Prince Shechem takes Dinah's hand.

PRINCE SHECHEM
Let's take their daughters to us for wives, and let's give them our daughters.

DONKEY-MAN
(at chopping block)
You said this wouldn't hurt.

SIMEON
Just a pin-prick.

PRINCE SHECHEM
(to his countrymen)
Only on this one condition will these Israelite men consent to dwell with us, and be one people: every male among us must get his penis enhanced just like theirs.

Levi stretches the first victim's foreskin into the clamp.

LEVI
(sarcastic)
It's for medical reasons.

(Reuben, watching Levi, munches a mutton-chop:)

REUBEN
(chomping)
Fights penile cancer.

{ BAM! } Levi chops off the very tip of Donkey-Man's foreskin.
Donkey-Man stumbles away, groaning.
Reuben, disgusted, spits out his mutton.

PRINCE SHECHEM
(whispers in the ear of the next victim)
Their cattle and their wealth and every beast of theirs will be ours!

{ BAM! } Levi chops off the very tip of the next victim's foreskin.
The victim stumbles away, groaning... he passes out. {THUNK!}

PRINCE SHECHEM
(to victim)
Good!
(to crowd)
Just consent to them, and they'll live peacefully with us.

MONTAGE: Levi lightly circumcises each of the gullible men.

They groan in pain, stumble, holding their bloody mutilated wangs,

-- screaming in pain,

-- they fall down, passing out by the town gate.

Drop-dead hilarious.

(End Montage)

Finally Prince Shechem stands at the chopping block.

LEVI
OK. Show me whacha' got, mighty prince.

Prince Shechem drops his pants.

LEVI
Impressive. I see what my sister saw in you.

PRINCE SHECHEM
Go easy -

{ CHOP! } Levi swings his butcher knife on the wrong side of the clamp, giving Prince Shechem a complete penisectomy.

PRINCE SHECHEM
AAAAGGGGHHHHH!!

Blood specks from Prince Shechem's groin hit Levi, Simeon, and the camp.

Prince Shechem hobbles around the camp, holding his groin as chickens run away squawking.

LEVI
Oops. Cut that one too short.

Prince Shechem falls down and passes out, holding his crotch, a bit of blood on his fingers.

Dinah runs to Shechem. She strokes his hair. She lifts his hands from his crotch. She stares in horror.

DINAH
(To Simeon & Levi)
You devils!

SIMEON
They deserved it!