Screenplay ~~- The Baby-Making War

Laban and Jacob Make A Pact of Peace

Peace
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4454 Characters =~4.5Min. Reading Time
So Jacob boils over. He screams back at Laban:

JACOB
Name my trespass!

LABAN
(overlapping)
Millions!

JACOB
Name my crime that gives you the right to chase after me in hot pursuit [like I'm a criminal]!

LABAN
Thief!

JACOB
Look! You've searched all my stuff, and what have you found from your household stuff?

LABAN
Cheater!

JACOB
Set [the contraband] here before my brothers and your brothers, so they can judge between us!

LABAN
Infidel!

I spent the last 20 years slaving for you.

LABAN
For yourSELF!

JACOB
Your ewes and your goats never miscarried their young.

LABAN
Liar!

JACOB
I never ate one ram from your flock.

LABAN
Story-weaver!

JACOB
Whenever one of your animals got torn-up by wild beasts, or stolen by poachers in broad daylight or [even] under cover of night, when I could do nothing to stop the thieves, I paid for it.

LABAN
You stole my estate!

JACOB
You made me pay for your own losses!

LABAN
Because you're a loser!

JACOB
This was my life: all day the drought consumed me, and the frost bit me all night.

LABAN
Dramatist!

JACOB
My sleep fled from my eyes!

LABAN
My idols fled from my house!

JACOB
Thus I slaved for 20 years for your family.

Laban scoffs.

JACOB
I served you for 14 years for your two daughtersโ€” one of whom I didn't wantโ€”
(glares at Leah)
โ€” and 6 years for your cattle: and you cut my wages 10 times!

LABAN
Ha!

JACOB
If the Elohim of my father, the Elohim of Abraham, the [Almighty] feared by Isaac, hadn't been on my side, by now you would certainly have already sent me away empty-handed.

LABAN
Full-handed!

JACOB
[But] Elohim saw [how you] afflicted [me and stole] the labor of my hands, [so He] rebuked you last night.

LABAN
(grabs Rachel & Leah)
These daughters (who you call your wives) are my daughters, my property.

Jacob jerks back his wives.

JACOB
MY Property!

LABAN
(grabs Joseph)
And these children [you fathered] are my children.

JACOB
(grabs Joseph)
Mine!

LABAN
(breaks a goat's neck)
And these cattle are my cattle.

Jacob grabs the goat.

LABAN
All that you see is mine!

Jacob lays the goat on Reuben's shoulders, lunges at Laban.

Jacob's sons back him up.

LABAN
(darts from Jacob)
But I'm too noble to take my daughters and the children they bore home against their will.

LABAN
So come, let's you and I solemnize a covenant:

LABAN
In front of witnesses, you and I [will forge a peace treaty].

So Jacob hefts a stone. He sets it up as a pillar.

JACOB
(to his sons)
Gather stones.

So they pick up stones.
They make a [symbolic] heap.
They eat [a feast] there [by] the heap.

LABAN
(drunk, shouts)
This is Jegar-sahadutha: "pile of witness!"

JACOB
(raises his glass)
Galeed!

LABAN
[Jacob,] this heap is a witness [to the binding, enduring nature of the peace treaty] between me and you [we're making] to day.

JACOB
[I pray that] Yahweh will stand guard between me and you, when we are ABSENT one from anotherโ€”
(winks at Rachel)
โ€”ensuring that we never try to attack each other -

LABAN
If you cause my daughters pain, or if you take other wives beside my daughters, [watch out, because even when] no man [watches] us, [you have to] recognize that Elohim is witnessing [everything that occurs] between me and you.

JACOB
YOU watch out!

LABAN
Behold this heap, and behold this standing-stone, which I have erected between my [territory]โ€”

Jacob positions Laban on Laban's side of the pillar.

JACOB
โ€”and yours.

LABAN
This pile and this memorial stone are permanent reminders, [testifying to our agreement that] I will never go beyond this pile to you, and you will never go beyond this pile & pillar to attack me.

JACOB
Good fences make good neighbors.

LABAN
I invoke between us the judgement of the Elohim of Abraham, and the Elohim of Nahor [Snorer], the Elohim of their father Eber.

TIME LAPSE: Jacob gives 7 spotted goats in succession to Laban:

JACOB
In the name of YHVH, the feared Elohim of my father Isaac, I honor this boundary!

The hill erupts in a circle-dancing celebration!
Jacob kills and cooks an animal on the mountain, everybody feasts on the ceremonial meal.
So they all eat food and stay all night partying on the mountain.
Laban dances with Leah.
Laban dances with Rachel.
Jacob pulls Rachel away.
Off they run into the night.