Screenplay
The Baby-Making WarLeah Conceives And Births 4 Sons To Jacob
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2129 Characters =~2.1Min. Reading Time
LATER:
EXT. LEAH'S TENT - NIGHT
Around twilight, Jacob walks past Leah's tent door.
Leah grabs him, drags him inside.
A light from heaven beams down into the tent as Leah moans in ecstasy.
INT. LEAH'S TENT - DAY (9 MONTHS LATER)
In the birthing tub, Leah squirts another baby boy into Jacob's waiting hands. Crying, Leah looks down to see the boy has a penis.
LEAH
Yahweh heard how my husband hated me, so Yah gave me this other son! So I name him โSimeonโ (He hears).
LATER:
INT. RACHEL'S TENT - NIGHT
Rachel gets up from lying beside Jacob.
RACHEL
(to Jacob)
I gotta' pee.
As Jacob sees Rachel exit the tent, Leah jumps up from under the bed.
EXT. RACHEL'S TENT - NIGHT
Heavenly light descends from heaven to fill Rachel's tent, Silhouetting Leah bouncing on the bed atop Jacob.
INT. LEAH'S TENT - NIGHT (9 MONTHS LATER)
In the birthing tub, Leah bears a [3rd] son, this time into Rachel's waiting arms:
LEAH
(growls at Rachel)
Finally, now this time my husband will be joined to me, because I have borne him 3 sons!
Rachel stomps out in fury.
LEAH
(yells after Rachel)
I name my 3rd son, 'Levi,' (Joiner).
LATER:
INT. LEAH'S TENT - NIGHT
Leah straddles Jacob.
LEAH
(frustrated)
Come on, Jacob!
Jacob, drunk, blubbers an unintelligible groan.
LEAH
Not again!
In desperation, Leah holds a painting of Rachel's face up over her own!
EXT. LEAH'S TENT - NIGHT (CONTINUOUS)
Golden light from heaven descends to infiltrate Leah's tent, silhouetting her straddling Jacob in triumph.
INT. LEAH'S TENT - DAY (9 MONTHS LATER)
In the birthing tub, Leah bears a [4th] son (JUDAH) into the waiting arms of her slave-maid.
LEAH
(cries to maid)
Now I'll celebrate Yahweh, instead of living in the vain hope of impressing my absentee-husband!
The maid lays baby Judah on Leah's breast.
LEAH
So I call my 4th boy's name 'Judah' (celebrated-one).
The maid strokes Leah's hair, admiring baby Judah.
LEAH
(cries, shouts out door)
I'm done being your baby-making machine, you ungrateful two-timing cheat!
