| Satire ~~- The Comedy Bible

GENESIS 2


Old copy. Email for current version.
2461 Characters =~2.5Min. Reading Time
Gen. 2:1 And that's how a pro makes a planet.
Gen. 2:2 By the seventh day God had turned in the project so he kicked back and popped a brewski and watched the game.

Gen. 2:3 And God said, "Let's do this every Saturday.
Kickin it with the holy homies.
Leave the work at the office."

Gen. 2:4 And God reminisced with his buds about the good old days, like the past friday, when they got the streams working; but before they'd made shrubs, plans, rain...and then Saturday when he carved man out of dirt and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life (and onions), and the man opened his eyes and said, "Whooaa, Halitosis!"
And God put man down in the East Garden he had planted, named Eden, and said, "You work here, man, take care of this place."
Adam said, "You da' boss."
God had made livestock, air-birds, and field-beasts out of dirt, and to be nice, he let Adam name them, even though Adam came up with some silly names. God was a delegator.

And God made trees pop out of the ground, good-lookin' trees, with sweet juicy meaty candy fruit.
In the middle of the garden were the Tree of Life, and the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil.
A river watering the garden flowed from Eden; from there it separated into four headwaters:
The Pishon; it winds through Havilah, where there's gold. (Black Gold, Texas Tea; aromatic resin and onyx too.)
The Gihon river winds through the land of Cush, which is Cushy.
The third river, the Tigris; runs along east Asshur. Asshur.
And the fourth river, Euphrates.

God said, "Adam, munch on any tree in the garden; but no eatin' eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, or I'll waste you."
Gen. 2:18 God said, "You gotta get out and meet a nice girl."
Gen. 2:21 So 'the LORD' God pumped Adam full of Nitrous Oxide, like Dentist, and yanked out one of Adam's ribs and sewed him back up with a wave of his hand, like magic.

Gen. 2:22 Then 'the LORD' God made a woman from the rib, don't ask me how, and brought her to Adam.

Gen. 2:23 Adam said, "She was made out of me, cool!
Adam stroked her up and down, and said "My bones! My flesh! Call her Womb-man! ' for she was taken out of man."

Gen. 2:24 And that's why Mom and Dad kick teenagers out of their house and say, go get married, it's cool, just do what comes natural and you get to be like the same person- one flesh."

Gen. 2:25 Adam and his wife were butt-naked, and happy as clams.




Email!
home