INT. BOY'S BASEMENT - DAY
PAINTER (a bright-eyed teenage boy) stands in front of the easel.
At the top of the easel is taped a lifeless portrait photo of the SUPERINTENDENT (55, white, arrogant, society lady in a fur coat.)
Painter paints on a canvas a beautiful painting: colorful, fresh, bold modern lines.
Painter's eyes light with joy.
Painter gleefully dumps paint from the tubes into big piles on the table, mixes them, and throws them on the canvas with wild abandon, laughing to the SOUND of hot music.
Painter sketches the Superintendent's face in wild palette-knife strokes in the painting.
MOM (33, hot, kind, sweet) enters the basement art studio.
Her highness is gonna love it!
Dude, I'm so stoned, but that painting is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
I gotta go to the bathroom.
GIRLFRIEND (hot, smart, 16) enters.
Girlfriend sees the painting and freezes.
Girlfriend's jaw drops at the beauty of it.
Come here, genius!
With everyone else gone, Girlfriend grabs Painter by the collar, pulls him to the floor and makes out with him:
You're brilliant! I love you! I want to have your babies!
Stop! I love you but I gotta have strength to work! It's due tomorrow!
INT. SCHOOL SUPERINTENDENT'S OFFICE LOBBY - DAY
The boy paces, bites his nails.
The clock ticks.
Stuffy classical music plays.
Hours roll by on the clock.
Shadows shift through the windows.
Superintendent enters in her fur coat, looks at the flashy painting; she mock-spits.
Arrogant, juvenile tripe. A weak cop of Hockney- hackneyed!
Superintendent lights a match and scorches part of the painting.
Boy scrambles to stop the fire from spreading across his canvas.
(ignoring boy, points to brown paintings, brown objects, brown furniture)
I want a subdued, classic painting. Ala REHmbrAHndt! Rich burnt umbers and dark chocolate browns. Creamy flesh tones. Can you do that or should I cancel my commission?
(choking back tears)
No, Ma'am, I will do as you ask.
Superintendent storms out.
The boy cries and sinks to the floor.
(looks with pity at the Painter)
You see what I have to deal with every day?
EXT. BACKYARD PATIO - DAY
Painter is with his friend and Stoner who are drinking beer.
Just blow off the old _itch!
I need the money. Since Dad left Mom can't pay the bills. This is my first commission. A recommendation from the Super' could kickstart my career!
EXT. FRONT YARD - DAY
Painter struggles, hauling overflowing trash cans swarmed by flies to the curb.
Painter sees the neighbor's big dog trot past the shrub-line and pee and poop a long, slow, smooth banana-like turd in the painter's yard.
Dog's face shines in bliss while relieving himself of this giant turd.
(throws rock toward the dog)
Hey! Poop in your own yard!
Dog cuts off its poop-flow and scampers back across the shrub-line into his yard.
(leans out the window of the house, waving a poop-scooper, yelling)
Honey, clean up that poop!
Painter, with annoyed eyes, walks to Mom and grabs the poop scooper from her hand.
(smiles, blows Painter a kiss)
That's my REHmbrAHndt!
Painter grimaces, scoops up the poop and walks toward the trash can, holding his nose with one hand.
Painter opens the trash can lid, looks down at the brown poop in the scooper and freezes.
Painter's eyes light up- idea!
Painter runs with the full scooper to the clothesline and grabs a clothespin.
Painter runs to his painting room with the full scooper.
Painter puts the clothespin on his nose.
Painter lifts a new canvas onto the easel,
puts the poo on his mixing palette,
mixes the poo with some oils,
spreads the poo-paint around the edges of the canvas.
Some poo-paint falls on the floor.
(looks at the poo-paint on the floor.)
(grimacing, holding her nose, yells)
What's that smell?!
Painter picks up the easel and goes for the door.
Going through the door, some poo gets on the door, and then on the wall on the way to the backyard door.
Sorry for what?
I'll clean it up!
Clean up what?
Painter gets the easel outside, sets it up.
Painter continues painting with poo-paint.
Painter smooths on the last of the poo.
The canvas is only half brown and half white.
Painter looks at his empty palette and frowns.
Painter runs with a bucket down the street to his friend's house.
Friend gladly takes the bucket to the bathroom, and comes back offering his bucket of poo.
Painter runs to Stoner's house.
Stoner opens the door, holding a bong, holding his breath.
(holds out the bucket)
I need more poo. Ya' got any?
Stoner pulls down his pants right there in the door, blowing out smoke and coughing.
Stoner smiles and sighs relief, sitting on the bucket.
Stoner takes another bong hit.
Stoner stands up and offers the bucket to Painter.
Stoner grabs a leaf from a tree overhanging his front porch, as he his breath explodes in smoke and coughs.
Painter looks in the bucket, jaw hanging open at the massive poo.
(running back to his house)
I got more!
EXT. PAINTER'S BACK PORCH - AFTERNOON
Painter mixes the different poop samples with various oil paints.
Painter madly brush strokes the poo-paint all over the canvas.
A lovely portrait of the rich woman appears on the canvas, in subdued browns, whites, and golds.
Painter smells the canvas and wrinkles his nose.
Painter gets some spray-varnish from the closet and covers the canvas with it.
Painter smells the shiny canvas, and smiles.
Painter's friend, Stoner, Mom, and Girlfriend come and look at the painting.
Mom cries, friend and Stoner high-five Painter's hand, the girlfriend kisses Painter's cheek and holds his hand, adoring the masterpiece.
INT. SUPERINTENDENT'S OFFICE - MORNING
Superintendent enters, looks at the painting; her scowl erupts in a smile.
Now THAT is a real painting- you've got talent my boy!
See, with my direction your artwork will flourish.
Superintendent pulls big wads of money from her purse and shoves it into Painter's hands.
Superintendent orders the janitor to hang her new portrait above her desk.
Superintendent sits in her chair with a proud, smug look on her face.
Superintendent's RICH SNOB friends stream in with looks of admiration on their faces.
Wow, look at those rich colors! This must have cost a fortune!
INT. BOY'S BASEMENT - DAY
The boy and his girlfriend smile as they count the money and laugh and kiss, and disappear down to enjoy love-play.