Screenplay
89 CHAPTERS FROM

Absalom

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The world's most gorgeous prince murders his rapist-brother as step #1 in stealing the Empire from their father, the giant-slayer (King David).

CHAPTERSPublished Min.

PRELIMINARY

1Audio Drama

ACT 1

scenecum.
2Absalom Builds His Phallic Obelisk2.42.4
3Absalom Beats Amnon For Eyeing Their Sister4.87.2
4Absalom Sees TallPalm Run To Amnon's House1.89
5TallPalm Bakes Get-Well Cakes For Amnon1.210.2
6Absalom Fails To Stop His Sister's Rape5.115.3
7Absalom Comforts TallPalm3.318.6
8Absalom Reports The Rape; King David Jails Him2.421
9Solomon Breaks Absalom Out of Jail1.922.9
10Absalom Reunites With TallPalm1.624.5
11Absalom Plots His Revenge-Kill For 2 Years3.327.8
12Absalom Prepares The Murder Site0.928.7
13Absalom Invites His Brothers To A ‘Party’0.228.9
14Absalom Gets David's Money For The 'Party'1.630.5
15All The Kings Sons Travel To The Party0.430.9
16Absalom Whispers The Murder Instructions0.431.3
17Absalom's Servants Murder Amnon1.232.5

ACT 2

32.7/25
18The Princes Flee The Murder Scene0.533
19King David Mourns Amnon's Death1.434.4
20General Joab Sees King David Cry Over Absalom0.134.5
21Absalom Flees Into Hiding0.334.8
22Absalom Passes 3 Years In Exile0.635.4
23General Joab & Absalom Hire An Actress0.836.2
24Chaka Gets King David To Repatriate Absalom4.440.6
25General Joab Returns Absalom To Jerusalem0.441
26King David Refuses To See Absalom0.441.4
27Absalom Mopes To His House0.241.6
28Jerusalem Adores Absalom0.542.1
29Absalom's Wife Births His First Son0.242.3
30Absalom The Flawless Lover Beds Lotsa Ladies143.3
31Absalom's Wives Birth His 2nd & 3rd Sons0.643.9
32Two Years Of 5-Pound Haircuts Pass1.645.5
33Absalom's Wife Births His 1st Girl, TallPalm0.746.2
34General Joab Refuses To Meet With Absalom0.646.8
35General Joab Again Refuses To Meet Absalom1.248
36Absalom Sets General Joab's Crop Field Afire1.449.4
37General Joab Confronts Absalom1.350.7
38General Joab Takes Absalom To King David1.552.2
39Absalom Amasses His Own Royal Guard0.452.6
40Absalom Sets Up His Own Rival Judicial System2.955.5

MIDPOINT

55.5/50
41Absalom Asks King To Let Him Go To Hebron0.856.3
42Absalom Gallops To Hebron0.356.6
43Absalom Sends Out His Spies0.657.2
44Absalom Throws His Hebron Coronation Feast0.557.7
45Absalom Snags King David's Chief Counselor0.358
46Absalom's Conspiracy Multiplies0.458.4
47King David Finds Out Absalom Has Taken Power1.259.6
48King David & His Loyalists Flee Jerusalem3.663.2
49King David Assembles His Troops1.364.5
50Ziba / Mephibosheth Trick King David0.665.1
51Mr. Famous Throws Rocks At King David267.1
52Absalom Invades Jerusalem0.167.2
53Absalom Takes The Throne0.267.4
54Hasty, King David's Spy, Fakes Allegiance0.868.2
55Smear-Brother Advises Absalom To Sin0.969.1
56Absalom Beds His Dad's 10 Concubines1.270.3
57Smear-Brother Smartly Plots To Kill King David171.3

ACT 3

71.2/75
58Hasty Foils Smear's Assassination Plot4.175.4
59Smear Hangs Himself0.475.8
60Hasty Sends Spy-Priests To Warn King David2.378.1
61King David & Friends Cross The Jordan River0.278.3
62King David & His Famished Loyalists Camp0.178.4
63Absalom's Hordes Cross The Jordan River0.378.7
64David's Ex-Enemies Bring Him Food Supplies0.579.2
65Absalom's Hordes Advance Toward King David0.179.3
66King David Organizes his Loyal Fighters1.781
67King David's Men Kill 20000 Rebels1.382.3
68Absalom Gets His Pretty Hair Caught In A Tree0.682.9
69Solomon Tells General Joab: Absalom's Caught183.9
70General Joab Assassinates Absalom1.685.5
71General Joab Ceases The Fighting0.385.8
72General Joab's Men Bury Absalom0.686.4
73Young Priest Begs To Run To Tell King David1.187.5
74Young Priest AhiMaaz Runs To King David0.187.6
75Runners Tell King David His Son Absalom Died289.6
76King David Weeps Over Absalom0.590.1
77General Joab Shames David Into Courage2.192.2
78King David Regroups His Kingdom1.293.4
79King David Hugs IronHeart & Crosses The River0.694
80King David Forgives Famous Shimei0.994.9
81Northern Israel Rebels Against King David1.296.1
82Sheba Incites North Israel To Rebel vs. David1.597.6
83David Turns His 10 Concubines Into Celibates198.6
84King David Mounts Judah's Counter-Rebellion1.199.7
85General Joab Murders His Rival General Amasa2101.7
86General Joab Cuts Off Sheba's Head2.6104.3
87Old King David Gives The Throne To Solomon3.2107.5

EPILOGUE

107.6/99
88Postlude0.6108.1

APPENDICES

108.2/100
89Absalom Rap Song (Like Eminem's Lose Yourself)
108.2/100
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